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TigerU.com Forum Index -> Jokes and Funny Stories
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AWE
Site Admin
Joined: Nov 24, 2002
Posts: 1659
Points : 1460
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:43 pm
Post subject: Reasons why the English language is hard to learn: |
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The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I was proven right that I had the right of way
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human race
(which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
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Dewy
Semi-regular
Joined: Oct 19, 2004
Posts: 73
Points : 10
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Fri Mar 04, 2005 11:38 am
Post subject: |
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sounds like something I read in tiger weekly.... or is this the one from tiger weekly?
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phoAm
TigerU Supporter
Joined: Jan 24, 2003
Posts: 1080
Points : 1568
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:06 pm
Post subject: |
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That couldn't be from Tiger Weekly. I didn't see any typos.
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AWE
Site Admin
Joined: Nov 24, 2002
Posts: 1659
Points : 1460
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Fri Mar 04, 2005 6:24 pm
Post subject: |
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I'm not sure where I got that.
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rwnugent
Sexiest Man Alive
Joined: Sep 16, 2003
Posts: 2353
Points : 1262
Location: baton rouge
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:37 pm
Post subject: |
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No there are not enough grammatical errors for it to have been in tiger weekly
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____________
"That´s my opinion I could be wrong." -Dennis Miller
Procrastination is like masturbation. It seems like a good idea at the time time but in the end you´re just fucking yourself. |
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JLW
Regular
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 155
Points : 338
Location: Red Stick
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:58 pm
Post subject: |
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Yeah, that's way too well written. Plus, it doesn't mention The Reveille one time.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - If publishing were a Special Olympics event, TW would take the gold everytime.
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Soyuz
Semi-regular
Joined: Jun 16, 2005
Posts: 39
Points : 128
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:22 pm
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Although I can not claim that I speak it 100% correctly...
Nevertheless I am forced to admit that English is a SIMPLE language 
Soyuz
| JLW wrote: | Yeah, that's way too well written. Plus, it doesn't mention The Reveille one time.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - If publishing were a Special Olympics event, TW would take the gold everytime. |
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