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TigerU.com Forum Index -> Free Speech Alley
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Jeninji
Semi-regular
Joined: Jul 20, 2004
Posts: 48
Points : 58
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Sun May 15, 2005 4:57 pm
Post subject: Just some funnt stuff |
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Quips and quotes
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
4)"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house,"
--Rod Stewart
5) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if
you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-Jeff Foxworthy
6) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-Robin Williams
7) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
-Dave Barry
9) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave; they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave ; they should have to find you a temp."
-Bob Ettinger
10) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
-Paula Poundstone
11) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
-Conan O'Brien
12)"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through
my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God. I could be eating a slow learner."
13) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
-Richard Jeni
14) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
-Johnny Carson
15) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
-Paul Rodriguez
16) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
-Jerry Seinfeld
17) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
-Warren Hutcherson
1 "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
-Oscar Wilde
19) "Suppose you were an idiot. . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . . but I repeat myself."
-Mark Twain
20) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
-A. Whitney Brown
21) "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
22) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
>-Roseanne
23) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
24) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
-Dave Barry
PS. Congrats on anyone who graduated from LSU!
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"You can fool some of the people some of the time, most of the people most of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time." -P.T. Barnum |
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Christian
I've been around a while
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: 219
Points : 30
Status: Offline
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Posted:
Mon May 16, 2005 6:32 pm
Post subject: |
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Thanks. I enjoyed the chuckles.
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